Permission To Mess Up

Permission to Mess Up

By

Crystal Lewis

The pressure to be perfect or at least appear to be extremely qualified at something can be suffocating. As humans, we never want to seem diminished, not in control or appear inept. We struggle with this ever-looming fear that other people will secretly take pleasure in our failures and judge and laugh at our mistakes, or worse, find us out to be a fraud, giving affirmation to those negative thoughts and judgements we secretly already have about our own selves. We reason that if somehow someone else shares the same opinion that we do it suddenly makes it true. For instance, if there is something you think you are terrible at and someone else agrees with you, then suddenly you feel there is now some validity to your lack of talent in that area, and perhaps you are lacking, but perhaps it is also just one person’s opinion. Regardless, it takes the wind out of our sails when thinking of attempting something new or even just continuing down the current path.

However, if you do lack talent and skill in an area that you are trying to improve in, there is absolutely no shame in admitting it and allowing yourself the space to mess up and figure things out as you go along, growing as you gain in knowledge. I pity the person whom is so draped in pride they refuse themselves the ability to be truly vulnerable and admit honestly that they have no idea what they are doing, but intend to push forward anyway using their ignorance as the baseline for their learning curve.

Refusing to admit where we may be lacking in skill taking on the “fake it until you make it” philosophy is its own kind of exhausting hustle. So, what if instead of continuing the exhausting hustle to save face, we each gave ourselves the permission to mess up? I don’t mean this to sound trite or reckless, but in simply taking the pressure off yourself to be perfect at something, what would you consider trying or doing or perhaps changing? How would it affect the way you see and feel about yourself and others? If you could eliminate your fear of failure and looking foolish in front of others, what sort of risk might you take today?

Did Jekyll Get it Right in Stating That Man is Not Truly One but Truly Two?

I have been in the creation process of a new work for Conversion Dance Project investigating, through dance, the duality of human nature. This has proved to be a difficult topic for me because it has caused me to confront some unpleasant qualities in my own nature, but more importantly, it has presented me with the challenge of knowing how to sufficiently tackle this complex concept through movement alone. Nevertheless, I took on the challenge and have also done a bit of research, as well as made some observations in my own life, to help inform the fundamental concept behind the work. This research and observations haven’t necessarily helped me with the physicality of the work, but it has helped me to more clearly define what my intentions are for the work.

So, the main theme of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is this notion that there are two sides of ourselves and that we all have this ability to do good or to do evil. It also suggests that we are at war within ourselves as our dual natures or “two sides” struggle for dominance. In fact, the very definition of duality, according to the merriam-webster dictionary, is “the quality of state of having two parts”. I’m big into defining things and looking at what the definition of a particular word is because it helps me to fully understand its connotations. On a side note, this is how I chose the name of my company. Through my observations in my personal and professional life, I noticed this conflicted dual side of my own personality that I seemed to have developed. Actually, I still don’t know if it recently developed, or perhaps had always been there but just lying dormant, just like Jekyll’s Hyde was always there lying beneath the surface.

I don’t consider myself to be a naturally competitive person, but I noticed that as I was building my career post graduate school, I started to become more competitive. This realization made me uncomfortable and made me ask the question of why and when did I get to be so competitive? In essence, I was really starting to observe and take an honest look at my own two parts and motives. I started to feel how my softer side and my more competitive side were constantly in conflict. Perhaps having a career in the fine arts, and especially in dance, can sometimes lead to cultivating this very competitive side of yourself. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the beast. After all, the dance world is highly competitive. For instance, in the dance world you have to compete at auditions, for grants, for job and teaching opportunities, for tenure, to get your work seen by others, to get into festivals, to get a decent review, to get choreographic accolades, for residencies, for fundraising, to just generally being noticed and not feel like a total failure to your friends and family. The list goes on and on. Taking all of this into consideration, we can sometimes get caught up in focusing too much on the competitive nature of dance which can perhaps cause us to eliminate the human aspect.  Unfortunately, this can also affect how we see each other, helping us to see each other as competitors rather than as fellow human beings who are just struggling with the same things we are in this dance life. We are all just trying to create work and opportunities for ourselves in the best way we know how. I feel by taking the time to fully realize this, it has helped me to get back in touch with my softer and more sensible side, my Jekyll side if you will. I want to make it clear that I am not totally against healthy competition, as I believe it can help foster excellence, but rather just a slight shift in focus. I think if we shifted our focus a bit as to see each other not as competitors, but rather as fellow travelers in this dance life, there might be a softening in how we relate to each other. This is the basis for my new work “Duality”. As I mentioned earlier, the challenge is to fit this total concept into physical moving bodies, but I have taken my best initial stab at it, or as I always like to jokingly say, "I gave it a good college try". “Duality” will premiere at the Beta Dance Festival on May 30th at the Phoenix Center for the Arts.

Artistic Director, Crystal Lewis

New Work in 2015!

A new creation has begun! Check out rehearsal footage of a new work being created by artistic director Crystal Lewis on project dancers Martha Hernandez and Rachel Petersen. Just beginning to explore movement and phrasing.

Conversion Dance Project Year in Review 2014

Check out this fun video of the 2014 Year in Review for Conversion Dance Project! Thank you to all of our supporters and collaborative partners! Cheers to 2015!

Relinquishing the Artifice in Pursuit of Sincerity (Part 1)

Relinquishing the Artifice in Pursuit of Sincerity

(Part 1)

by

Crystal Lewis

I have recently finished reading a book by Erwin Raphael McManus titled The Artisan Soul, which completely revolutionized my thoughts and feelings about art, life, religion, friendship, politics and all that is in between. I know that is a pretty bold declaration to make. After all, these are not always easy topics to discuss, even amongst good friends. My purpose in writing this blog is not to superficially plug the book, although it is a very insightful read, but rather to use this as a personal means of reflection.

In the beginning of this book, Erwin McManus describes the essence of art and states that “fear is the shadow of creativity, when we choose to create we bring light to our fears.” He continues on to eloquently point out that artists need to remain true to themselves and reject all that makes them false. From there McManus goes on to affirm that our work is authentic when it is the authentic representation of who we are, as in, your art is an extension of yourself.

This led me to muse about applying this concept to more than just my creative art, but to my personal and professional relationships as well. I began to mull over this idea of moving beyond fear and letting go of the artifice to establish real and lasting friendships. I started to reflect on how often we become personal friends or professional colleagues with those we feel will somehow bring us opportunities and good fortune without ever really revealing our true nature and authentic selves to each other. Instead, we hide from each other behind this artifice masked as sincerity. I began to ponder if we do this out of fear?  Maybe fear of not being accepted?  Perhaps fear of being shut out of the perceived successful circles? As artists we always preach about embracing your uniqueness and not being afraid to stand out. But then why do we so desperately want to be accepted by each other, even to the extreme of developing these sometimes pseudo relationships? Then it hit me like a swift kick to the gut.  How can we be authentic in our creative practices if we can’t even be authentic in our personal relationships with each other, whether it is personal or professional? Every artist, including myself, will proclaim that staying true to their art is absolutely vital. So, shouldn’t our various dealings, practices and relationships with each other also be based on remaining in truth? Shouldn’t this be just as vital? After all, if it is true that our art is an extension of ourselves, it would then stand to reason if we want our art to be true, than perhaps we must remain in truth as well, not just in our creative endeavors but also in our personal endeavors.

Accumulate Selected for Gala Performance at ACDA West Region

Artistic Director Crystal Lewis' work "Accumulate" was recently adjudicated at the American College Dance Festival West Region held at Arizona State University, and was subsequently selected by a panel of adjudicators as one of 12 works, out of nearly 48 dances, to be performed in the Gala concert on March 15th 2014, concluding the festival.  Festival adjudicators included Wendy Perron, Rachel Leonard, and David Shimotakahara.

Congratulations to Crystal Lewis and to the student dance company at Chandler-Gilbert Community College whom performed her work beautifully!

Here is a link to the college website to read more.

http://connection.cgc.edu/2014/03/dancers-selected-to-perform-at-regional.html

Collaborating Long-Distance via Modern Technology

(Updated blog from original blog posting of Long-Distance Dancing Collaborations)

Last year I watched a short documentary on Israeli choreographer Netta Yerulshalmy on her experiences with creating her evening length work, “Devouring Devouring” via long- distance dancing. The idea that this work was developed in two cities, NYC and Tel Aviv, mostly via video exchange, completely fascinated me! In fact, this concept was so fascinating to me that I wanted to take on the challenge of working this way myself. But, I was unsure of how to get started, as well as to whom I was going to collaborate with via long-distance. So, I tucked that idea into my, as they say, “back pocket”, with the hope that one day I would have the chance to explore working with a long-distance collaborator myself.

Another factor that drew me into working in this unusual way was that I felt creating something long-distance naturally enabled the work to have elements of carefully crafted material along with elements of chance, which makes for a great combination. In fact, due to the very nature of working long-distance, there is some things movement wise that can get a bit lost in translation or interpreted differently. Consequently, material that is translated and being reconstructed on the other side can have an element of chance to it. Merce Cunningham, through the development of his Chance Dance, explored the idea of dances being created in a nontraditional way, which allowed for work to be created that may have never been arrived at if using a more traditional way of working or collaborating. For me, I felt working long-distance also allowed for something to be created that might not have been created otherwise.

Working long-distance also opens up the opportunity to work with someone who lives in a different city than you while remaining on a budget, making it a practical solution for a struggling artist to create work. Let’s face it; money is usually an issue with most struggling artists. If you don’t have a lot of extra money to spare, or funding from a grant, and want to skip the headache of the stressful crowd fundraising programs out there, then working long-distance can be a real solution.

Of course, there are downfalls to working this way. For instance, my long-distance Miami based collaborative partner Katie Wiegman and I, have had our fair share of technical issues ranging from camera failure, to problems uploading and downloading footage, to creative blocks, to interpreting movement from a video, to more personal issues of viewing oneself on camera in a non-judgmental way. You also spend a lot of time in the studio by yourself creating which can be a stumbling block in itself. Sometimes it’s easier to be creative and get those juices flowing when you have someone else in the studio sharing with you in real time. Managing your time well as to properly respond in the exchanging of footage is also essential in working this way. However, Katie and I have managed to push through these obstacles and have been exchanging footage for the last few months in creation of a solo collaboration titled “Adrift”.

So how did I choose Katie as my long-distance collaborative partner? While living, teaching, and dancing in South Florida last year, I initially met Katie Wiegman at a Kota Yamazaki master class at the Miami Light Project in Miami. Then, I ran into her again at a Kyle Abraham workshop, and yet again at a GaGa inspired master class by Lazaro Godoy at Inkub8 in Miami. I was always so impressed by her unique movement quality and spirit. From there we struck up a casual friendship and had talked about possibly creating work together, but never got the opportunity to do so before I moved out of the state. So, I got the idea of working long-distance creating a solo on her and sent an email inquiring if she would be interested. She was completely on board with this project from the start and the rest as they say, is history.

So how does it work? Well, to begin I had an overall concept for the work I wanted to create and explained that concept in great detail to Katie. Then, Katie and I started recording ourselves doing some improvisational movement, with the basic concept of the piece in mind, and sent it to each other. From that point on we would bounce video footage back and forth simply responding to each other’s improvisational sessions. It worked much the same as it would if you were taking an improvisation class with someone in person, using one another for movement inspiration. After these first few exchanges, when I felt the movement started to take shape along with the overall concept, I started to pick out what I felt worked and began to actually construct the beginning section of the solo. I would film myself doing this and then would send that footage to Katie to learn. However, I always explained to Katie that what she saw in the videos were completely open to her own interpretation. She was given the freedom to change whatever she felt needed changing, or add anything she felt was lacking. I wanted her to be able to bring herself to the work both as a dance artist and as a human. Because of the nature of how we were working on this project, it was important to me that Katie really brought herself into the work and not just be an automaton regurgitating movement I sent her via video. In order to be realistic on stage, I knew she needed to have a personal attachment to the overall feelings behind the solo. To help with this we exchanged a ton of lengthy emails, pre-recorded video talks, phone conversations, and most recently a Skype date. We decided to Skype so that we could work out a few things in real time and actually be able to see visually what we were trying to explain conceptually.

Adrift has recently been accepted to be performed at the Tempe Center for the Arts in Tempe, AZ as part of the Genesis Dance Project hosted by Desert Dance Theatre, January 10-11th 2014. Katie and I are ecstatic to showcase what we have been able to accomplish long-distance.

-Artistic Director, Crystal Lewis

Long-Distance Dancing and Collaborations-A New Adventure

When I first heard of the concept behind ‘long-distance’ dancing I was immediately intrigued. I watched a short video about choreographer Netta Yerushalmy and her experience with using long distance dancers in creating her work “Devouring, Devouring”.  I was completely fascinated by this idea, and wanted to try creating something long-distance myself, but was unsure of how to go about it. So, I put the idea on the back burner. I happen to be an artist who has moved around a lot in the last few years and has met some really amazing movers along the way. Sometimes, the practicality of life can get in the way of being able to collaborate and create art with some of those wonderful artists I’ve met in my life journey, due to no longer living in the same geographical area as they. And like most artists I struggle with finances, finding funding for various projects, finding work in the field in general, and finding quality dancers that have the time and the interest in collaborating.

In today’s economic times, artists from all walks of life are feeling the pinch. Grants are getting harder to come by, as less money is being allocated for them, and the stipulations for the eligibility requirements needed to apply, have become steeper. Some of the larger funding grants you can’t even apply for, you have to be nominated by a distinguished panel to even be in the running. As a result, only well- known, highly regarded artists, tend to be the recipients of these particular types of grants. At the moment, Conversion Dance Project is not a ‘non-profit’, so that eliminates a lot government grants as well, creating another stumbling block. Then, there are crowd funding venues, which are great, but even they can be unstable. For instance, there is always the possibility looming that you will not make your projected financial goal for your project, which can be extremely stressful.

Another obstacle is that most dance artists are incredibly busy working at multiple things trying to make enough money to survive. As a result, working around their availability time for rehearsals can be extremely tricky and cumbersome. Also, flying back and forth on your own dime to set work, is not always a realistic option. So for me, I felt that collaborating on a project long distance seemed to provide a really creative way around a lot of these obstacles. Albeit, creating something long distance may bring problems of its own, but I’m willing to accept the challenge.

So how does it work? My long distance collaborator and I have exchanged ideas on the overall concept for the creation of a solo work, which will eventually be danced by my collaborator. We are currently in the process of exchanging rehearsal footage we have recorded of ourselves, for feedback and direction of the work. I will then take this feedback along with the extensive footage I have reviewed, from both my collaborative partner and myself, and create an entire new solo, fusing information that has been gathered by both parties. Finally, the new solo work will be danced by myself and recorded in the studio and sent to my collaborative partner to then learn. Where is the work going to go from there? Where will it be performed? That update will come later.

Long distance dancing may not be for everyone, and it may not be successful for me, but I can’t deny that it doesn’t have its benefits, so I’m willing to give it a try. And I certainly don’t think that all work should be created this way. I don’t think working long-distance should replace working face to face in the studio together. I just think when you sometimes find yourself in a unique situation; it’s time to get creative. And this creative journey seems to be bringing two artists together who live on opposites sides of the country and on budget. Can’t beat that! And when I start to consider what people may think about this particular endeavor, I just think of what Twyla Tharp said, “The thing about creativity is, people are going to laugh at it, get over it”, and I press on.

So who is my long distance dancing collaborator? None other than the lovely Katie Wiegman. Katie is originally from New Mexico, a graduate from New World School of The Arts, and an independent artist working and living in Miami, Florida. I first met Katie at a Kota Yamazaki master class in Miami, and then again in a Gaga based, Ohad Naharin’s movement language, master class with Lazaro Godoy, and yet again in a workshop by Kyle Abraham at Inkub8. I was always so intrigued by her unique movement quality. We struck up a casual friendship and had talked about creating something together but never got the opportunity before I moved away from South Florida to re-locate to Arizona. However, this long distance dancing collaboration is allowing us to finally get the opportunity to create some art together; just another one of its perks.

Here is to starting this new exciting journey into ‘long-distance dancing’ and collaborations!

 -Artistic Director, Crystal Lewis

Meet the Collaborators Below.

Katie Wiegman

Artistic Director, Crystal Lewis

Photo by Jenny Gerena